Tings you should know
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Ireland! Ireland who? Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back.
What does it mean when you find a horseshoe in Ireland? Some poor horse is going barefoot.
Are people jealous of the Irish? Yeah, they’re green with envy.
How do you know if an Irishman is having a good time?
He’s Dublin over with laughter.
Two Irishmen, Pat and Murphy, saw a sign saying “Tree fellers” wanted. Murphy said to Pat, said, ‘If only Seamus had been with us we’d have got that job.
Murphy was arrested and sent for trial for armed robbery. After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, ‘Not guilty.’ ‘That’s grand,’ shouted Murphy, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?
What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?
Liam Malone.
How do we know that Christ was Irish?
A. Because he was 33 still lived at home thought his mother was a virgin and she thought he was the son of God.
Paddy told Murphy that his wife was driving him to drink. Murphy considers him to be very lucky. His wife makes him walk.
What do you call a big Irish spider?
A Paddy long legs.
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O’furniture.
What do you call a big Irish spider?
A Paddy long legs.
What do you call an Irishman covered in boils?
A leper-chaun.
Paddy and Seamus have just opened a new restaurant on the moon. It serves great cheese dishes, but the atmosphere is terrible.
Seamus, do you understand French?
Ah, I do if it’s spoken in Irish.
‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.
’What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A Murder Suspect.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun
Cos they’re always a little short